


feelin' low

by weedfictive



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: M/M, i cant get their characters down without making them like one dimensional or whatever, idk when im gonna write a fic with alana and jared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 16:16:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14109204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weedfictive/pseuds/weedfictive
Summary: this is just a bunch of drabbles i never finished cause i started focusing on the madoka magica au or just got super fucking depressed





	1. Chapter 1

The fucking clack, clack, clacking and the noise of grinding teeth had made it almost impossible to keep calm and focus on his work. The stupid kid (he didn’t know why he called the other guy a kid when they were just about the same age, give or take a year or so) sitting in front of him was being god damn disgusting. Connor didn’t care what he did as long as it wasn’t when it was in public. Actually, scratch that, when he wasn’t around to hear it and blow up and go back to square one in bettering himself. 

Connor kept making a fist with the hand he was holding his mechanical pencil in, trying not to glare and failing although he don’t think the kid would even notice. Maybe he would? Sometimes it seemed like the kid was looking at him in his peripheral vision. It was fucking weird and creepy and gross and-- a bell had gone off. To be more specific and less vague, a bell that signaled the end and, a couple of minutes after, beginning of class. Thank… anyone that was up there up above, he was about to just hit the other guy with the textbook that had been laying on his desk. 

Connor had suddenly realized where his legs were taking him - to the parking lot. He really had to re-train himself to just stop abandoning school and leaving just because of one guy who had been pissing him off to the point of almost committing violence. He sighed and stopped to think of what his next class was and wondered if he could skip and just go to the library to calm down. His parents might ask why he skipped - which was weird since they never really cared before, but maybe they might be trying to help in their own way. Also, he was barely passing that class. - but maybe if he told them where he went and why, they would leave him alone. He was actually pretty grateful for them now. Before going to his much needed therapy sessions, he probably would have just texted his ex-dealer and skipped and slept in his car to avoid having to see the disappointed looks that smothered him and made it hard to breathe and sleep. Now, though, he would just tell Cyn- his mom and… dad (weird) and they would be understanding and recommend that he bring it up during next weeks session.

Connor turned around and headed up to the library while hoping that someone he knew was in there so he wouldn’t be alone, fall asleep, and accidentally miss the rest of the school day… but then again, the two librarians will notice and either A) wake him up gently and tell him to go to class or B) wake him up gently (again) and just bring him towards the back room and let him sleep on the bean bag chair they have in there. It would probably be the second choice since he was on good terms with both of them and they’ve done it before. He must’ve looked seriously tired those past couple of times, as they wouldn’t let anyone but the aides (and him) take a rest back there. He was brought out of his thoughts when he felt his legs aching and getting heavy after the first ten or so steps. He… was pretty out of shape or something, huh? 

Trying to ignore how his legs hurt and how he was breathing heavily, he had walked up to the entrance of the library and into the warm, quiet setting. Connor subtly looked around and, after noticing a specific guy who was wearing a striped polo, walked to the table where his… friend was sitting. He tried not to make any loud noises or sudden movements since that’s what you do with deer and Evan normally reminded him of them, and then Connor felt bad for comparing his friend to an animal that was commonly stereotyped to be weak and fragile even though Evan wasn’t either of those things. Ah, sticking up for animal _and_ friend rights. You show ‘em, Connor, you angry dumb fucker. 

Said guy sat down in a cushioned chair and looked at what Evan was doing before he got there. Apparently, he was reading a book called… whatever, it wasn’t like the title was really important. Nothing was truly important seeing as how literally everyone was going to meet their demise sooner or later so it’s not like anything he really does is even important or worth nothing or anything so might as well just keep being lonely and-- Stop being edgy, it’s cringey or whatever people said to describe god damn depression now-a-days. He could be bitter about that all he wants. ...He.. should probably end the whole talking to himself thing, Evan was looking at him with an uncomfortable and super nervous look. Ah fuck, stop staring at the book. Weirdo.

“Hi.”

“Uh. Hey.” 

“So, what’s that book for? Is it like for English or just something to do in your spare time?”

“Bose- Shit, s—sorry. Um. Both of those, a—actually.”

Connor slightly smiled at his friend’s tiny quirk. Evan sometimes said things in the wrong order, said the wrong thing, or stuttered a word. At first, he found it annoying but then Connor realized he can’t exactly help it, it’s just something that’s a part of him. 

“So, why are you in the library? Are you skipping class or something?”

“No. I— I asked the teacher if I could read in here. The— um, the class was… They were really… loud.”

He could tell Evan was just trying to be nice although it was a little pointless since no one else seemed to care what he was talking about. 

“Do you wanna do something after school?”

“Sure. Yeah. I’d love to. What— what would we do?”

“Uh… I dunno, man. Whatever you wanna do.”

“Alright, then let’s just… Um. Watch Netflix or something.” 

“Sounds like a good plan. Good job, Evan.”


	2. mom

Cynthia knocked on the frame of her her son’s supposed-to-be-there door (maybe she should put up a door for him). She had come up to talk about how he was feeling and how, finally finally _finally_ , she had gotten her husband to agree to let Connor see a psychiatrist and a therapist for more than a useless month.

Larry wasn’t exactly excited about it but when she had brought out the old pictures of their family, when they were happy, and said that a child, _their_ child, shouldn’t have gone from a happy baby to a suicidal young adult. She researched everything on depression and thankfully she remembered enough to reprimand Larry and say he should stop degrading him and causing fights. It wasn’t really like it was all his fault but he seemed to have played a 50% part. Sometimes all a son wants is his father’s approval. 

Connor looked up from his laptop with a cold and closed off stare, “What do you want?”

His mother took a deep breath and tried to not take how mean he had sounded to heart, “Connor, there’s some good news I’d like to share with you.” She suddenly realized it would’ve been better if Larry had been with her. “Your father and I set up an appointment with a psychiatrist and someone to talk to. It won’t be like in the past, where it was only for a month.


	3. school

Connor sighed, looking down at the notebook paper that was half-filled with math equations. To be honest, he couldn’t think. Some weird song he had heard earlier in the week had gotten stuck in his head and he hadn't stopped hearing it since. 

The class had suddenly gotten louder while he was zoning out and he could tell, without even looking at the time on his phone or the clock on the (very dirty and written on) white cement blocks, that class was coming to an end. He didn’t know exactly when since it could have been 5 minutes or 1 minute before the bell rang. Maybe even 20.

Ah.. he’s gone to at least one class, maybe he can just go home now. He knows his parents don’t really expect much from him unlike Zoe, so going to school and (somewhat) participating for 45 minutes will probably be enough. Also his grades suck so he’ll get all the missing work he’s accumulated from the rest of his teachers before going home. If he’s gonna get better, doing school work might be a first step. A baby step, but still. 

He got his phone and went to the chat log between Zoe and him. 

**To: Zoe  
From: Connor**

**i think im gonna go home after i get all my missing work do u want me to pick u up later**

He felt weird considering he never offered to give Zoe a ride home after school. The phone on his desk gave a buzz and vibrated, two messages showing on the screen for 3 seconds. 

**From: Zoe  
To: Connor**

**Yes please  
Thanks**

He could see three dots at the bottom. It disappeared after a minute though. Connor wondered what she was typing and why she stopped. Oh well, he’ll probably ask later. 

The bell rang and he had started walking to his last six classes, wanting to get the talking over with and just go home. 

Blah blah blah, at least 20 minutes of hopeful looks in his teachers eyes and “I’m proud of you, Connor” and “If you’re really going to start trying in this class, I can help you and give you at least a 70, so you’re at least passing but still on the edge. It’s going to be up to you to either make it or break it.”

That one was a little specific but who cares? He was really happy about finally having some 70’s. He could feel the strap across his shoulder becoming heavier and he took that as his sign to just leave, maybe drop some food off for Zoe if she wanted (he’d have to text her), go home, do work, rest, work, rest, work. 

**To: Zoe  
From: Connor**

**do u want me to drop some food off for lunch**

**To: Connor  
From: Zoe**

**Really?**

**To: Zoe  
From: Connor**

**yeah i know your lunch is soon and im already planning on picking something up**

**To: Connor  
From: Zoe**

**Mm, how about… Sonic or something?**

**To: Zoe  
From: Connor**

**got it**

Yadda yadda yadda, after getting the food, driving back to school in time for lunch, then going back home and eating, Connor can say he was finally ready to work. Except… now that he was looking at every paper just spread out, it was very… overwhelming.


End file.
